The Other Side of College Applications

Happy September everyone! Catherine Cook is back with a newsletter about The Other Side of College Applications. Enjoy!

This time last year, I wrote about preparing your children for college. Over the past year, I have learned a lot about getting a child ready for college and sending them off. The transition was not entirely what I expected. Not only was I sending my baby girl out into the world, I also was watching her move from adolescence to young adulthood.

The transition from adolescence to young adulthood is scary for parents and children alike. It feels like a ride on a pirate ship at an amusement park. Some days you are the best and taught them so much, other days how dare you treat them like they are idiots, and then on others we are told “I can do what I want, I’m 18.” The emotional whiplash is real. I learned that I had to adjust and change if I wanted to maintain a connection and a relationship with my daughter. And I continue to learn this on a daily basis. Here are some tips for transition from children to adolescence to young adulthood for parents. 

1. Change of Roles

   1. Shift from a directive role to a guide and a support system. Instead of saying what your child will do, ask them their plans on how they will accomplish their tasks. This lets them develop problem solving skills and you learn where they need to be taught. 

2. Allow Them to Struggle and Even Fail

   1. Allow them to struggle and fail while you are still a safety net. If they miss the assignment, they take the fall and you are there to teach them what to do next time. If they didn’t follow up with the job application, less money to spend at Starbucks, may motivate them to follow-up next time. As painful as it is to watch our children struggle, struggling is how we learn our own strengths and build resiliency. Decide where you can let them struggle and how you will support them if/when they fail. 

3. Let Them Make the Call

   1. Let them start making their own dentist and doctor appointments. You can be next to them, you can have open times that work for your schedule but let them practice making the appointments. 

4. Make Time for Memories

   1. Eighteen years may seem long when we first hold our baby but it goes by fast. Make time for positive experiences as often as you can. Don’t forget how powerful it is to spend time cooking together, taking walks, watching a movie, or even chatting in a car. The dishes and laundry will always be there. The to-do list will never be done. Build memories, build connections. It is through the memories and connections that we form that keeps them calling, wanting to see you, asking for your guidance, and it keeps them listening to your counsel.

5. Let Them Fly

   1. A part of my heart went to college. My girl holds it and it will not come back home for good. Yes, she stops by for laundry or a homemade dinner, but it isn’t to stay. If I hold her back and keep her in my comfort zone, she will not grow, she will not soar, and she will not become her best self. As hard as it is, we must let our children fly. We must let them test those wings. They will stumble, they will fall, they will cry, they will want to give up. And it is through us standing constant, connecting, listening, and guiding that they will get back up, dust themselves off, and keep moving forward. 

For those of you wanting the logistics of college, here are several things that help to navigate senior year and the start of college.

1. Reach out to school counselors, teachers and even your RRC counselors for guidance.

   1. Do this early in the school year so you know deadlines.

2. If your child is in AP classes, transfer the credits to the college in advance, or you risk losing the credits.

3. Ask teachers early in senior year, or even the end of junior year, for letters of recommendations. Some teachers cap how many they will write. 

4. Contact potential schools for tours, admission information, and financial aid help.

   1. Some high schools have colleges come and tour. Pay attention to the dates and look at the list with your child to see where they are interested in attending. This is a good time to get basic information and make contacts.

   2. Follow up with them on who they talked to, explore the brochures together. Find out what they like/dislike about the schools.

5. Learn more about on campus jobs, work based learning experiences/internships, study abroad, clubs, and professor involvement. 

6. Look for application fee free weeks. SUNY schools do not charge application fees during some weeks in the fall. Connect now with school counselors to get those dates.

7. Look beyond Ivy League schools. Many state schools can rival the Ivy League depending on the program your child wants. 

8. Remember, college majors can change. If your child isn’t sure what to major in, no worries. Get them connected with an academic advisor to help your child navigate career options. 

9. Discuss financial limitations and expectations for student loans and/or scholarships.

   1. Include your expectations for if your child will work during the school year.

10. Most importantly, work with your child throughout the process. Team work is the way to go. 

On a personal note, I want to shout out those who taught me this over the past year. I’m grateful for my sisters who did this first, my mom for normalizing the transition to adult children, and for my dad, who missed his dream calling in life to be a career counselor but has dedicated countless hours to helping others get in, including me.